The best gift for your child? Empathy.

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Here we go into the holiday season! This time of year is traditionally a time to renew and celebrate our relationships, including family, friendships, and larger communities. Relationships can sometimes feel messy, or like a lot of work – but it is work worth doing. The quality of our relationships has been shown to be the most important factor in determining health and happiness over the lifespan.

And what is the one essential quality that binds and holds relationships together? It is empathy. Read on for ways to give your child the magical gift of empathy.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

Empathy is feeling with others, the ability to understand and feel the world from their point of view. Empathy helps us build relationships by understanding others' actions and the motivations behind them. This ability has been critical to enabling people to collaborate and cooperate in groups – which has enabled our species to thrive. It's also what enables humans to take good care of our young in the long time that it takes human babies to mature.

When we truly 'get' somebody else's point of view, two important things happen: we are softer and no longer as self-righteous about our own view, and by feeling felt, the other person is usually more open to understanding our side as well. This is how connection and problem-solving happen.

We are all born with the capacity for empathy, but how it develops depends on our environment – it can be cultivated and encouraged by an empathetic environment, or lost in an unkind and judgmental environment. This "use it or loose it" mechanism actually helps children adapt to their environments. In a dog-eat-dog environment, where being empathetic could make them vulnerable, children may be better served by losing empathy. Indeed studies and history have shown that in situations of distress and trauma, empathy shuts down. But, in an environment where empathy is widespread, everybody benefits from the collaboration of a strong community, where people can be vulnerable and reach out for help.

Empathy and kindness also help children develop more optimally. They create a feeling of safety, allowing children's brains to be in a state to learn, take risks, and develop trusting relationships.

How does this apply to your child?

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