Parenting against bigotry and racism

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This weekend we honor Juneteenth, commemorating June 19, 1865, the day the last remaining enslaved people in the U.S., in Galveston Texas, received word that the Civil War was over and they were liberated by the Emancipation Proclamation. More than 150 years later, however, our nation still bears deep scars from slavery, and racism continues to create added burdens and obstacles for people of color.

As parents, by raising children we are helping to shape the future. The discussions and modeling we do with our kids all have a large impact on forming their attitudes toward issues of social justice and people with differences of all kinds. The road to making our country and the world more just, and repairing the effects of past inequalities, is a long one, but you can start by building anti-racism in your own family.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

To paraphrase Anthony Peterson, well-meaning white parents have tended to communicate to their kids that race is real, but it’s not important. In fact, he says, the opposite is true: race is not real, yet it is very important in our society. Race is not real because the amount of melanin in our skins reflects only the amount of sun our ancestors were exposed to, but is not linked with any other characteristics or skills. But, to pretend that race isn’t important is to leave so many things about the organization of contemporary society and status of people of color unexplained. In the absence of a frank explanation and discussions about race, kids will make up their own reasons for differences and disparities they see, which may draw from racist or blame-the-victim messages that are prevalent in culture.

Racism and bigotry of all kinds has roots in some deep human drives. Tribalism and in-group preference helped our ancestors to thrive by working together as close-knit groups.

And, research has shown that the idea of kids growing up 'colorblind' is not really possible - noticing physical characteristics, sorting people into groups (on many attributes, not just race), and looking for patterns are all innate human characteristics. Babies notice race by as young a 3 months old. And, due to a trait called 'essentialism,' we are primed to believe that our group (for any attribute) is better than other groups.

So how to raise kids with less bias, and openness to all people? These strategies have been shown to help:

Discuss race in your family, the history of racism, and its implications in society
Provide positive exposure and relationships with people of diverse races and backgrounds
Note and challenge racism when you see it

When kids (and indeed all of us) experience others as unique individuals, they empathize with all their quirky humanness and individual circumstances, and have fewer gaps for racist ideas to fill in. When they are made aware of the history of racism and the ways racist messages are conveyed, they develop defenses against them.

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