Toward anti-racist parenting

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America’s long, destructive history of racism is an unescapable burden for people of color, and an injustice that all Americans must no longer tolerate. For the sake of the victims and survivors of racism, and a better world for all of us, we must stand together with our Black, Indigenous, and of Color neighbors in taking action to overcome the deeply embedded racism in all aspects of our society.

As parents, by raising children we are helping to shape the future. The discussions and modeling we do with our kids all have a large impact on forming their attitudes toward people of other races and issues of social justice. The road to making our country and the world more just, and repairing the effects of past inequalities, is a long one, but you can start by building anti-racism in your own family.

* This post is written by Kate Howe, a white person of European-American decent, and co-founder of Postcards for Parents. At P4P we strive to share science-backed tips and best practices in parenting for humans, regardless of race or ethnicity. We state unequivocally that Black Lives Matter, and we stand with Black, Indigenous, and People of Color in demanding reforms not only in policing, but in the political and social structures that create structural racism and inequality. Racism destroys lives, communities and human potential and is counter to our commitment to nurturing human potential through positive parenting. We acknowledge a lens of whiteness and privilege that we bring, however, and commit to an ongoing practice of learning, seeing into our blind spots, and improving our service to provide useful parenting information to as wide a diversity of parents as possible.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

To paraphrase Anthony Peterson, well-meaning white parents have tended to communicate to their kids that race is real, but it’s not important. In fact, he says, the opposite is true: race is not real, yet it is very important in our society. Race is not real because the amount of melanin in our skins reflects only the amount of sun our ancestors were exposed to, but is not linked with any other characteristics or skills. But, to pretend that race isn’t important is to leave so many things about the organization of contemporary society and status of people of color unexplained. In the absence of a frank explanation and discussions about race, kids will make up their own reasons for differences and disparities they see, which may draw from racist or blame-the-victim messages that are prevalent in culture.

Research has shown that the idea of kids growing up 'colorblind' is not really possible - noticing physical characteristics, sorting people into groups (on many attributes, not just race), and looking for patterns are all innate human characteristics. Babies notice race by as young a 3 months old. And, due to a trait called 'essentialism,' we are primed to believe that our group (for any attribute) is better than other groups.

So how to raise kids with less bias, and openness to all people? These strategies have been shown to help:

Discuss race in your family, the history of racism, and its implications in society
Provide positive exposure and relationships with people of diverse races and backgrounds
Note and challenge racism when you see it

When kids (and indeed all of us) experience others as unique individuals, they empathize with all their quirky humanness and individual circumstances, and have fewer gaps for racist ideas to fill in. When they are made aware of the history of racism and the ways racist messages are conveyed, they develop defenses against them.

How does this apply to your child?

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