Focusing on true joy in the holidays

WHAT’S GOING ON?

In our society, children learn from parents, peers, and advertisements that what you own matters. By age 8, children understand the role of material things in social status and believe they contribute to identity and happiness.

Indeed, humans have some deeply wired tendencies that lead to desire for new things. In the first place, we have a co-dependent relationship with material objects, gaining utility and identity from them, as they also shape our actions, thoughts and behavior. Material things also play a role in our social relationships, signaling what tribe we belong to, and what our status is. And, new things briefly satisfy our innate desires for novelty and exploration.

Around the holidays, all of this reaches a fever pitch as capitalism pulls all these levers. Gifts are equated with love. Santa – a magical being who rewards kids who are "nice" with new stuff – only increases the stakes.

While all of this is understandable, the unfortunate flip side is that getting more stuff does not breed joy. In fact:

Consumerism tends to make children less happy and increase depression, as it promotes competition over collaboration
Consumerism in childhood may even lead to decreased life satisfaction as adults
Too many toys increase kids’ anxiety, and decrease their creativity and attention-spans
Typically children value each of their toys less when they have too many

The bottom line is that materialism is related to low self-esteem. It is known that both adults and adolescents become more materialistic when their security or self-esteem is threatened. In families where toys and things are offered as a primary vehicle for feeling good, children learn that objects outside of themselves are necessary to bolster their joy and worth.

A better route to happiness during the holidays is to reframe them as a time to promote the experiences (such as connectedness, competence, and validation) and skills (such as mindfulness, self-regulation, empathy, and gratitude) that help kids feel satisfied all year-round.

How does this apply to your child?

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