The risky business of childhood

WHAT’S GOING ON?

It is natural to want to protect our kids in every way we can – it is the deepest instinct of parents. Humans have survived over millenia by noticing and avoiding risks in the environment. Two mechanisms we've evolved for this are:

Negativity bias – we pay more attention to potential threats and risks than to things that are going just fine.
Loss aversion – the threat of loss actually feels worse than loss itself if we do experience it. When we spot risk, it sets off alarm bells inside to motivate precaution.

The thing is, kids need a certain amount of risk and challenge for healthy development. Psychologist Heinz Kohut explained that the effect of too little challenge is the same as the effect of too much challenge. He called it "fundamental enfeeblement." Too little challenge leads kids to conclude on a deep level that they are not capable.

When kids are able to confront risks (particularly physical ones) that are challenging but doable, they:

perceive that others trust them
learn to trust themselves
feel competent in their own abilities and grow self-esteem
learn to tolerate some fear, persevere, problem solve, and learn

Keep in mind that even when things go "wrong," children can learn some of life's most valuable lessons, like how to be resilient and that they can handle a setback. Ultimately, kids who grapple with risks feel less anxious about the world and their place in it.

It's also worth noting, as a parent watching our child do something "risky," we may feel a lot of anxiety because we don't have control over it. Risk without control leads to stress and anxiety. Your child, however, does have control, and is learning to have more control through the activity. What they feel is the excitement and empowerment of pushing their growth edge. This different perspective is important to keep in mind.

How does this apply to your child?

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