What's the best way to navigate rules at school?

WHAT’S GOING ON?

A big part of the work of childhood is learning to regulate oneself socially and relate to other people, both peers and authority figures, in order to enjoy the rewards of rich and productive social and working relationships throughout life. In fact, children who display social competence in childhood – the social, emotional, cognitive and behavioral skills for successful social adaptation – have been found to have greater long-term well-being, including higher education attainment and better paying jobs.

Children develop best within a structure of warm and legitimate authority. This is true in the family in the early years, and, as their social world expands outside the family, in school as well. Children across cultures have been shown to accept limits set by authority figures when they are perceived to be in the interests of safety, well-being and pro-social behavior (treating others well).

However, children do have nuanced views as to what is under the jurisdiction of each adult. So they might accept feedback on their spelling from a teacher more readily than from a parent, but might balk at a teacher trying to regulate their social habits. Not all that different from adult responses to authority, right? And, children also generally perceive matters of personal choice to be outside legitimate authority. The specific issues will vary between families, but things like hair style, dress, friends, and leisure pursuits are often felt to be off-limits from adult authority.

There is also an age-based arc to kids’ acceptance of authority. As you might guess, the toddler years and teen years display higher resistance to obeying authority, while during the elementary years, kids are more likely to obey and feel good about doing so. Enjoy this sweet spot while you’re in it!

How does this apply to your child?

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