A growth mindset helps in social relations too

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A mountain of scientific research has established that good relationships are the basis of human wellbeing. Yet most of us don't help our kids learn social skills as systematically as we do academic or athletic skills. Social skills can be coached, however, and one essential first step is to have a growth mindset toward social relationships.

It's very common to have fixed ideas about our social personas and capabilities, such as "I'm shy, so I couldn't go talk to that new kid," or "That kid is mean, I won't even try to play with them." But these labels can limit your child's social confidence, or lead to truncated relationships. When kids instead believe that they and others can grow and improve socially, they are more likely to feel hopeful, generous, and work toward changing for the better.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

A growth mindset, as defined by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, is the belief that one’s skills and abilities are not fixed, but instead will grow with effort and practice. This core belief leads to perseverance, resilience, and greater enjoyment of work and learning.

Growth mindset is also very helpful in social relationships. A study by David Scott Yeager and Carol Dweck (2012) found that when teenagers believe that social characteristics are not fixed, but can change and improve, they:

experienced less stress
exhibited less aggression
were more positive when faced with bullying or exclusion

When taught that social characteristics can change, adolescents adapted to a growth mindset and became more resilient and exhibited less aggression. Instead of focusing on punishing peers who offended them, they concentrated more on trying to teach them to be kinder or more inclusive.

And, when adolescents who kept a growth mindset made a social mistake themselves, they did not feel shame the way their peers with fixed mindsets did, but were better able to accept their own actions and not act out in anger.

With all of this information, it stands to reason that if your child maintains their natural growth mindset of toddlerhood and learns ways to combat a fixed mindset, they will be more socially successful, flexible, and confident.

How does this apply to your child?

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