Keep Your Cool

The technical term for this is “parental self-regulation.” Practice the ability to stay above the storm as your child releases emotions, even when they seem like personal attacks.

1. Find somebody to listen to you

Just as we recommend listening to, empathizing with, and validating your child’s emotions, you need to experience feeling heard and understood. Talking with someone (or a few people) who can listen, empathize, and validate helps you process the feelings and feel less alone.

Potential listeners could be: a close friend; a group of parents on the playground or at kids' activities; a counselor, clergy person, or therapist; or another parent with whom you regularly exchange listening time.

2. Breathing

Anxiety causes us to breathe shallowly or hold our breath. Consciously breathing deep into your belly or into your sides will lower your anxiety response. You can try counting slowly as you inhale and exhale, or putting your hands on your ribs or your belly to feel them expand, or other breathing methods you have found helpful.

3. Movement

Moving our bodies helps rid them of the anxiety response. Try whatever movement feels good, whether a few stretches at your desk, a 10-minute walk, or an intense run.

4. Grounding activities

Try grounding yourself in your present place and time, to make you less focused on your worries and what-ifs. Objects and ritual activities can both work - try a few and see what works for you to bring your focus into the present moment. Some examples:

Keep a small stone in your pocket to run your fingers over when feeling anxious, noting how smooth/rough or cold/hot it is
Do a body scan, or tune in your feet or another body part for a few moments.
Look around and notice 3 things in your environment that you see, a hear, and smell. (This may also encourage gratitude as you notice something positive that you would have otherwise overlooked.)