Growth Mindset

The groundbreaking research of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck established the benefits of a growth mindset. “In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.” (Dweck, 2015)

A growth mindset leads to a very helpful approach to life, including: - embracing challenges and persisting until you’ve figured it out - learning and doing for it’s own sake, rather than for impressive results - valuing effort as the path to mastery - valuing negative feedback in order to learn - being inspired by the success of others - greater enjoyment of work and learning

It turns out that people with growth mindset are more authentic with others, because they don’t need to inflate their performance to gain approval, and more resilient in the face of life’s inevitable setbacks.

Young children naturally have a growth mindset, and are inspired to explore the world and try new things, unhindered by concepts about the “right" and "wrong" ways to do things. As kids grow however, the criticism and praise they receive, as well as the development of self-consciousness and comparison to peers, can all work to form a fixed mindset (in which they are constantly performing for approval).

HOW TO DO IT

Try to make a growth mindset the default approach in your household, and it will serve your child throughout life.

1. Praise using language that promotes a growth mindset

When you are proud of your child or are trying to encourage them, praise their process and their behavior, and be as specific as possible. Comment on hard work, concentration, and perseverance. For example,

“Whew, it seems like that one took a lot of concentration; you worked hard.”

Or, skip the praise all together and ask them a question about their process. For example,

“What was it like when you figured out that word?”

Your attentive questioning and interest in their experience helps them feel attended to and valued, and it may give them a more internalized sense of pride, as they respond, “I felt good.” Numerous studies have shown that praising from a growth mindset increases motivation and performance, while praise from a fixed mindset, such as “you’re so smart,” actually makes kids less motivated and less perseverant.

2. Make small, achievable goals

Often we overwhelm kids with something completely new without even thinking about all of the energy and skill that goes into it. With any new task, think about all the pieces that go into it for a first-timer, and acknowledge how bit it is.

Praise them for the parts of the task they are doing and prioritize one additional thing to work on. Once they have a handle on that additional thing and are doing it relatively independently, try adding one more piece.

3. Be specific about strengths and outcomes

When adding your praise and encouragement, try to move away from general praise such as "Nice work!" or "I love it!" or "Your's so clever!" These don't let children understand what they're doing well, and may also make them focus more on achieving your praise than on tackling the task at hand. Instead, acknowledge specific strengths, effort and progress. This can sound like:

"I see you came to do your homework first, before playing - I bet that took some will-power but after you're done, you'll be able to play until dinner."

Or, "Your reading is getting smoother and smoother every day from your practice. I can really hear the difference!"

4. Use the word "Yet"

Get in the habit of using the word “yet” when talking about things you or your child hasn't learned or accomplished... yet. For example,

"You're right, riding a bike is hard and you haven't gotten the hang of it yet. But you're getting better every day!"

"You don't have a date for prom yet, sweetie, but there's still time."

"Yet" lets everybody know that their current level of knowledge or skill can grow and change.

5. Don't shy away from mistakes and failure

When children make mistakes or fail at something, sometimes we try to fix it ourselves or pretend it didn't happen, so as not to upset them or damage self-esteem. However, failures are vital feedback for learning any skill. And, learning how to survive a failure, learn from it and persevere is one of the most valuable emotional skills a person can have in life - don't rob your kids of the opportunity to develop this skill.

Praise efforts and progress
Ask for their self-appraisal of how it went, and where they made a mistake
Listen to and validate their feelings, making clear that they have your love regardless of any mistakes
Encourage self-compassion and kindness in their appraisal; not losing site of the positive
Let them lead in brainstorming improvements, with your support

6. Have a growth oriented family narrative

It's useful to have your overarching family narrative, which applies to all family members across situations, reinforce a work ethic and growth mentality. It could include things like:

We all like to keep learning and taking on challenges because they are rewarding in the big picture.
We work hard and do our best at work and school so we can have a good life and have choices.
We feel ok about mistakes because they mean we're learning.

If you haven't thought about your family values and narrative in this arena, a good litmus test is to ask what, genuinely, do you want your child's work habits to be, and why? Usually what we want for our children is the purest version of our values.

* One note is that internal motivation and drive are helpful, like many things, in moderation. If your child seems overly focused on achievement in school, you could stress family values around balance, spending time together, etc.