It’s July, and here we are in the heart of summer. What better time to consciously shift our focus to being, instead of doing. Slowing down is not something that our culture values very much, but taking the time to just be mindfully present is a key to happiness – for both our children and for us.
Most adults walk around with a jumble of thoughts, plans and worries, spanning the past, present, and future, roiling around in our mind at all times. For parents, as we try to manage a whole family, the noise is even greater.
Unfortunately, all this mental multi-tasking comes at a big cost – while we worry about all things at all times, we have less cognitive bandwidth to deal with any of them. And we often miss out on the joy and beauty right in front of us. Scientific research confirms what mindfulness traditions have known for millenia: for mental wellbeing, be-ing in the present is essential. Mindfulness, defined as "moment-to-moment awareness of one's experience without judgment," has been linked to increased happiness, less stress, boosts to memory & focus, less emotional reactivity, better relationships, and host of other benefits.
Though kids also have anxiety and stressors, they are more naturally “in the moment” than adults. In fact, as parents know, it takes a lot of development and coaching to teach them clock time, and get them to anticipate and plan for the future. This can be frustrating for harried adults, but we would be wise to join them in the present moment more often.
By regularly being present with your kids, you:
Help them learn mindful practices and turn them into habits.
Help them maintain the value of be-ing as they grow, even as the culture and school and work structures will inevitably shape them toward valuing do-ing.
Give them the precious gift of your undivided attention.
Let them bring you into the present moment.
How to do it? Attachment theorists call the state of present-moment connection with another person "intersubjectivity," and they say it happens when two people come together with shared attention on the same thing, shared intention, and shared emotion. In other words, joining an activity with your child is the perfect route to presence.
