As parents, not getting through our to-do list is pretty much a permanent state. There are almost unlimited demands on our time, energy, and emotional resources. And, our culture supplies endless role models to show us how much more we could do in any aspect of our lives. But research shows there is a way to maintain sanity and self-esteem in the face of these onslaughts: staying firmly grounded in, and reminding yourself regularly of, your strengths. If your reaction is, "My what?" then read on to get familiar with your abundant strengths!
If you often feel like you're not doing enough, well enough, it's not your fault. The reason is that human psychology was not designed for modern culture.
Specifically, our tendencies toward comparison and negativity bias are completely overwhelmed by modern media... and made exponentially worse with the advent of social media.
Humans are built to compare ourselves with other people whom we deem peers, in order to learn from them and make sure we're doing as well as we can. But, but we were built to compare ourselves with small villages of people with similar lives – not the filtered and curated images of everybody in the world, as now happens via social media.
Combine this with our negativity bias - our tendency to give more weight to our failures or the slights we receive than the good things that happen to us – and it's easy to get caught in a loop of negative judgements about our selves and our accomplishments.
On top of these, how we were raised and how our caregivers spoke to us and about us also impacts whether we judge ourselves positively or harshly.
Fortunately, research has shown that knowing and staying grounded in your strengths can counteract many of these negative feelings. Large amounts of research in Positive Psychology has shown that operating from our strengths makes people:
happier and more satisfied with life
experience less stress
healthier
feel more confident
more engaged and effective at work
develop and grow more quickly
What are strengths? According to Dr. Lea Waters, strengths have three components. A strength is something 1) you do well, 2) you do by choice, and 3) you feel energized from doing.
We all have both skills that are strengths (eg, math, gardening, telling jokes), as well as character strengths (eg, curiosity, perseverance, emotional intelligence). Reminding yourself of your strengths, using them regularly, and developing new ones inherently feels good, and is a great antidote to self-censure.
