As you guide your child through school and activities, how high are you expectations? How hard do you push them? What happens when they resist something you think is good for them – should you push, Tiger-mom style, or trust their natural internal motivation to lead the way?
As parents, our expectations – both high and low – have a huge on our kids. Even when it seems like they are ignoring or rejecting them! Read on to learn what research has revealed about the finding the "middle way."
Numerous studies have found that students' achievement rises when parents and teachers have high expectations for them. In fact, parental involvement in kids' education has been found to be the most influential factor in increasing student achievement, regardless of 'intelligence.'
Additionally, completing difficult tasks is a primary way that kids build self-esteem. Overcoming uncertainty and frustration to achieve challenging goals leads to feelings of self-worth and the confidence that they can it again. Conversely, when expectations are lowered so as not to make kids ‘feel bad,’ the message they get is that they're not competent enough to do it.
However, before you pull out your drill sergeant whistle, there are a couple of caveats.
Firstly, though high expectations boost achievement, unrealistically high aspirations coming from the outside damage achievement (as well as self-esteem). Your child will feel like they're trying to please you, but it's never going to be possible.
Secondly, mental health suffers when there’s too much pressure. Anxiety and depression, and parallel issues such as sleep issues and substance abuse, have risen dramatically among teens, and surveys and studies show that academic pressure is a big part of the reason.
The bottom line is that kids benefit from being pushed to develop their talents and interests, with some extra encouragement to keep at it when it seems tough or un-fun. But they suffer when pressured to reach outcomes that are unrealistic or which they themselves are not genuinely interested in. And they should always feel loved for their innate selves, independent of their performance in school, sports, or any other arena.
