The beginning of the school year is an exciting and anxious time for peer relations, as kids reconnect with old friends and navigate new groups. Not having friends in a class, at lunch, or after school activities can feel acutely painful. Equally, making a social bid, such as asking somebody to join a game or sit together at lunch, is a risk.
Learning these skills and figuring out how to be comfortable in a social group is an important job of the elementary school years. Read on for ways to support your child in making friends and finding their place.
Throughout elementary school, children's center of socialization expands from their family to also include their peers, and they become more eager and sensitive about fitting in with their peer group.
Learning to form close friendships is one of the most important tasks of childhood. Abundant research has shown that friends increase health and wellbeing throughout our lives, and that people learn these social skills starting in infancy. Children with good friends:
have higher self-esteem
cope better with stress and transition
are less victimized by peers
continue to have stronger relationships and emotional well-being into adulthood
As parents, it's important to keep in mind that while kids do have naturally different social temperaments, by and large social skills are learned. Kids learn social skills from watching what we and others model; how we treat them; stories and discussions we have with them about friendships and relationships; and practice with siblings and peers.
The social "practice" your child is engaged in during these years is very important, and as with all practice more is better (within reason). Kids are growing and changing rapidly, so their behavior, polish, level of self-control, and even their social personas will all evolve. Even when social interactions seem awkward, bumpy, or impolite to your eyes, try not bring your own feelings into the situation, but instead remember your child is learning by doing.
