Halloween is around the corner, and though your child may (or may not!) have outgrown the desire to dress up and collect candy, this is still a great time to talk about self-expression, role playing, and identity. Adolescents are trying out a range of personas and roles as they explore their own identity. As adults, we may not understand the roles they choose, but supporting them in their explorations can maintain the bonds you have built throughout childhood, and allow you to know your child more deeply.
By adolescence, the role playing and imaginary play of earlier years take a back seat as tweens and teens become more involved in structured clubs, sports, and activities. They’re also entering a vital phase of development, where they’ll test out roles, behaviors and beliefs to help them in their quest for an identity.
They’re asking themselves both who they are and who they want to be. The roles they’re testing may be aligned with peer groups, with what they’ve learned at home, images and narratives they absorb from media, or a combination of all these things.
Adolescents are egocentric and often more concerned with fitting in with peers than following a path their parents lay out. They may be caught between different views of themselves, as well as more aware of what other people are thinking (and how they are being judged by others).
All of this leads to a great deal of exploration as they consider all the possibilities. They may try new activities, wear different types of clothing, choose different music, experiment with hairstyles, and find new groups of friends to hang out with.
This identity exploration may seem confusing to the adults watching, but there are many benefits to testing out different roles and finding an identity that fits. These include:
Those who engage in a high level of exploration and can commit to a specific identity generally report better outcomes. Furthermore, living with authenticity, ie expressing and behaving in line with one's deeply felt sense of self, is predictive of better mental health, richer relationships, and more influence, among other benefits.
Because tweens and teens are often pulling away from family, and tend to resist adult authority more, finding ways to connect and support their identity exploration is key to sustaining a connected relationship with your adolescents.