In this month that's all about love, kindness deserves a piece of the spotlight. Did you know that kindness is the number one attribute parents say they want for their children? And with good reason: kindness is win-win-win. It makes the others feel good, makes us feel good, and builds stronger communities. Read on for ways to cultivate a culture of kindness in your family and beyond.
Kindness is love expressed out toward the broader community. It is being friendly, generous, and considerate to others, without expecting praise or reward.
Research has shown, and you've likely experienced, that kindness is win-win. Not only does it make the world better, it makes us feel better. Recognizing that we are innately good, that we care about others and that we wish to see them happy results in feelings of joy.
Kindness has been shown to:
release chemicals in the brain that improve mood, depressed feelings, and anxiety
act as a natural painkiller, and even help heal wounds!
be related to stronger relationships, communities, and even economies
Furthermore, a culture of kindness creates stronger communities. When members of a community trust that their kindness will not be used against them, and that they will be treated with kindness in the future, they are more helpful, cooperative, and vulnerable, all of which lead to greater prosperity and productivity over time.
If kindness is so great, however, why aren't people kind all the time? It's because there are also some powerful counter-forces working in the other direction, including:
Being kind can feel like a loss in the short-term (sharing something we want, taking time to help, etc). Humans are wired to care more about avoiding loss than about potential gains.
There is a risk and vulnerability that it won't be reciprocated. In fact, sometimes a kind act can be used as an opportunity to 'get a leg up' on the person who offers kindness.
The feelings of "winning," dominating, or gaining that can come from unkind deeds can also feel quite powerful, despite their long term negative effect on relationships
We are often unkind to people who are in out-groups. Kids who are trying to forge their social identity may be unkind to show they are in a group and others are out. The rush of status and belonging we can feel from being unkind may trump the good feelings from being kind.
Most children are naturally empathetic and – when their buckets are full – will do spontaneous kind deeds. To encourage kindness, it's critical that we create a culture that values kindness, and recognizes and supports them in their loving and kind deeds.
