With over 54 million students across the country home from school and widespread stay-at-home orders, it is safe to say that we are all spending more concentrated time with our families than ever before – and under truly stressful and anxiety-provoking circumstances. If ever there was a time to come together and love the ones we’re with, it is now. And, wouldn’t that at least be a truly valuable silver lining of this whole situation, to emerge with stronger bonds with those closest to us?
Read on for findings from behavioral science to help your family work as a more cohesive team - useful during this time and after.
Feeling that we belong to a supportive group is possibly the most fundamental of human needs and longings. Despite our culture’s narrative of rugged individualism, the quality of close relationships has been shown to be the most important factor in determining long-term health and happiness. (1) And, studies from the U.S. Army have shown the unit cohesion and morale is one of the biggest predictors of soldiers' resilience. (2)
With all these benefits, how to help your family grow more cohesive and supportive during this time of intense togetherness? Findings about teamwork from the worlds of work, sports, and summer camps can all be instructional for families. It turns out there are a couple of critical elements across the board:
A shared story. A groups’ story answers questions about why it exists, how you operate, and why each members’ effort and contribution matters. When you can ground a challenging a time in your family’s larger story, it will help your kids pull together with you.
Equal speaking time. A large internal study by Google echoed findings from academic research (3) that, though the personalities and interaction styles can vary widely, on well-functioning teams all the members end up with approximately equal speaking time. This can happen round robin style in every conversation, or in larger chunks at different times, but each member should be heard roughly the same amount every day.
An atmosphere of emotional safety. The Google study also echoed this result, which has been demonstrated in numerous child development studies as well: groups are more satisfied and work best together when they feel safe to be open with all their feelings, and take risks without worry of being criticized, shamed or blamed.
Role models who uphold team norms and values. This is your job as the parent, to demonstrate your team's values and hold of you accountable. Part of this is making sure you communicate clearly about expectations, and ensure that all members have the skills and resources they need to rise to the challenge.
While effective teams do have leaders, they should not be making all the decisions or micro-managing their members. Instead, the job of the leader is to communicate a compelling vision and story about the team; articulate and enforce the team’s norms and values; and coach the members to bring the best of themselves.
