Good sleep is a foundation of well-being. We all know that we feel, and function, better when we're well-rested, and our culture has a lot of assumptions about how children should sleep. We think they should learn to fall asleep on their own, be able to self-soothe if they wake up in the night, and sleep for long stretches.
In reality, good sleep can look very different for different kids and families, and most humans don’t always “sleep through the night.” Read on for ways to support your child in lifelong healthy sleep habits.
The quality and quantity of sleep we get impact many facets of well-being. While scientists don't understand all the ways that sleep works, it is known to support brain function, cell regeneration, and body repair and detoxing. Good sleep improves emotional regulation, cognitive function, and attention span, and other functions. Insufficient sleep will affect a child’s ability to learn/concentrate, reaction times, and mood.
However, modern life is very different from the historical conditions under which our bodies and biology developed, in ways that can impact our sleep.
Light. Human beings evolved to sleep in coordination with the waxing and waning amount of light in the sky. Thus, light is a strong cue that affects our ability to fall asleep. Artificial light, especially the “blue light” emitted from electronic devices, disrupts our sleep cycles by suppressing the amount of melatonin emitted in our brains.
Safety. Nighttime, and letting down our guard by falling asleep, brought dangers to our ancestors. This means that children—arguably the most vulnerable of the family group— adapted to sleeping with others rather than alone. So, while this is not the cultural norm in most Western families, it is certainly not an unnatural desire among young humans. It also explains the heightened anxiety that many children, and even adults, feel at nighttime. Knowing this can help make space for struggles that arise when aiming to get children to sleep on their own.
Schedule. For most of human history, time and schedules were not defined as precisely as they are these days by school and work, so there was more flexibility to sleep according to the body's rhythms. "Rhythmicity" - or how regular we are with body rhythms for things like sleeping and eating – is an innate characteristic of temperament, that naturally varies between people. Some kids take to a sleep scheudle more readily than others. Equally, some people natural tend toward nighttime or morning wakefulness, and these are inborn characteristics. Things will generally go better if you can work with your child's own tendencies.
Responding to children’s needs at night can go on much longer than many parents anticipate. The most common issues parents see in their children are:
Sleep resistance and difficulty settling down. Stalling, resisting or being disruptive at bedtime can be exhausting. This common behavior can stem from anxiety or fear, or not wanting to stop all the excitement of the day, or separate from you, or simply the general difficulty of making transitions.
Night waking. Many children (humans) do not sleep continuously through the night. Brain wave patterns typically cycle through times of deep sleep, light sleep, and wakefulness. The trick is helping children learn to return to sleep once they have awakened.
Nighttime anxiety and fear. As noted, anxiety at night is part of an important survival mechanism. Validating and listening to their feelings, as well as teaching calming and relaxing techniques such as deep breathing and mantras (“I’m safe and feeling sleepy now.”) will help them work through these fears.
Nightmares/night terrors. Nightmares are just bad dreams, and they can happen at any age. Night terrors are when a child is not fully awake and seems in the grip of fear about something you can’t see. While most children who have night terrors outgrow them in early childhood, sometimes they can continue. It is not advised to wake children when they are in this state. Try holding and soothing them and keeping them safe from injury. Another strategy is to avoid scary or stimulating input before bed—including stories or books, but especially TV or other video media.
While sleep can be tricky to regulate in children (humans) of all ages, there are also many things you can do to help improve your family’s sleep hygiene.
