With all the obligations of working families, the weeks and seasons can blur by, and your kids may seem to grow up like a time-lapse movie before your eyes. One way to feel time more, however, is to mark seasons and events with your own family rituals.
Rituals may seem opaque, superstitious, or just irrelevant, but in fact they've been shown to have benefits for individual psychology as well as group bonding. Rituals can reduce anxiety, refocus our intention, and reconnect us to the big picture. Why not make up a couple of family rituals, to intentionally mark the flow of time and your children's growth?
A ritual is a sequence of actions that we perform and repeat with symbolic meaning. Across cultures and throughout history, people look to rituals in situations where the outcome is important, but uncertain and beyond their control. For example, rituals serve to:
mark life transitions. These can be big transitions, like celebrating a new year of life by blowing out birthday candles; or cementing a wedding with the white dress, rings, and vows. Or, rituals can mark daily transitions, like a book and song at bedtime; or weekly transitions, like pancakes on Saturday morning.
reduce anxiety before high stakes performance, such as athletics, public speaking, or an important test.
help process loss, from death, or something like divorce or moving house.
facilitate group bonding, such as with families, or a fraternity, religion, team, or company.
Rituals have been shown to increase our sense of control, connect us with our intentions, and reduce anxiety. And, sharing rituals with other people increases bonding and helps create a shared identity and history.
For all these reasons, family rituals are hugely beneficial for children and parents. A review of 50 years of research on rituals in families concluded that rituals
create stability during times of stress and transition
improve marital satisfaction, adolescents' sense of identity, children's health, academic achievement and build stronger family relationships
Because many rituals we practice have been passed down for generations, we may assume that in order to 'work' they need the veil of tradition and external reinforcement. But this is not true, and rituals that we choose or make up to meet our own needs can be just as powerful. Athletes, for example, frequently make up their own unique rituals to get into the right mindset before matches.
In short, rituals can bond families together, creating a shared identity; they feel good, creating security in place of anxiety; and they mark life with meaningfulness that turns into memories. Your family likely already has a variety of rituals, from your holiday traditions to Friday movie night. But given all the benefits, you may want to consider bringing more ritual into your family life.
