The turn of a new year often brings a tide of optimism and fresh hope. Hope and optimism not only feel good, but are linked to better physical and mental health, school achievement, and peer relationships. Children tend to be more optimistic than adults, but with childhood depression rising rapidly, nurturing your child's hopeful outlook is important.
For better or worse, children look to their parents and caregivers for cues around optimism, and over time they absorb your attitudes.
Hopefulness and an optimistic outlook for the future is a cornerstone of mental wellness. It is especially important for children, because so much of their lives lie ahead of them. Research has shown that optimism and hope lead to:
Better physical and mental health
More motivation to keep trying when times are tough
Greater academic and extracurricular performance
Plus it feels better!
Although children tend to be naturally more optimistic than adults – Martin Seligman found that depressed children have similar optimism scores to non-depressed adults – depression has been rising alarmingly fast among youth in the past couple of decades. This increase in depression is complex and has many causes, but as a parent, you play a key role in supporting a hopeful outlook in your child, through:
The level of optimism or pessimism you model
The general attention, safety, and positive regard you provide
Supporting their fledgling autonomy and pursuit of their own goals
One thing to note, however, is that while moderate optimism is very helpful, extreme optimism can become a counterproductive denial of reality. Insisting that everything is great, will turn out fine, or is not your fault can be ways of escaping from bad feelings, avoiding responsibility, and failing to learn from experience. Extreme optimism actually leads to worse outcomes over time.
The sweet spot is to help your child see the good in the present and future, and develop an inner confidence that in any situation they can grow, learn, and overcome. Armed with these beliefs, your child doesn't feel dependent on luck, getting things right the first time, or the good graces of other people – they are confident that they have the tools to get where they want over time.
