Thanksgiving is traditionally a time to gather with family or friends and reflect on what we are grateful for. And, gratitude makes people healthier, happier, more resilient, and better at relationships.
Yet studies show that kids don't naturally tend toward gratitude – if things are going reasonably well in their lives, they will often focus more on small slights than their many blessings. What to do then, to help your child experience all the benefits of gratitude? (Including, of course, appreciation for their amazing parent!)
Gratitude is a feel-good cocktail of relief, connection, abundance, and appreciation. When people feel gratitude, brain imaging studies have found that their brains light up in an area of the prefrontal cortex where the two hemispheres meet. This area is associated with understanding other people’s perspectives, empathy, and feelings of relief. In other words, gratitude activates social bonding and stress relief.
This powerful emotion of gratitude has many benefits. It has been proven to make people healthier, both psychologically and physically, while also improving interpersonal connection. The work of Dr. Robert Emmons has shown that people with consistent gratitude practices:
Physically, experience less pain, sleep better, and live longer than average (approximately 7 years!)
Emotionally, they experience increased love, happiness, optimism, and enthusiasm, feel less stress and recover more quickly from stressful situations
Interpersonally, they are able to build mutually beneficial, reciprocal relationships, as they are kinder and more generous
Despite all these benefits, studies have shown that children are not naturally grateful. In fact, if all is going reasonably well in a child's life, they expect others to be kind to them and do not seem to give the kindness a second thought. On the other hand, if someone is mean to them, those people stand out, and children will expend energy trying to get back at them. In certain circumstances, we could see how this would be advantageous – the child sends a clear message that they will not tolerate being treated badly, and sets a boundary against that behavior. However, it is even more advantageous to be able to focus on those who have been kind, as this leads to enhanced relationships, and to all the additional benefits of gratitude. And, so, we need to teach children gratitude.
